a day like like this one.

When I first got to know about God and all the things He did, it was not difficult to believe, because I had not known unbelief and I had not known skepticism. But I grew older, and so did my understanding of the world and of people. Science introduced me to doubt, and familiarized me with it. People helped me to question. Is God real? Is heaven real? If the God you talk about is real, then why; why is there trembling, and fear, and torment of the mind and the body? Why do I see things fall apart? Why do I see you and me crying because of anguish of the heart?

Of course, I learned. Slowly, with many questions, I learned: God allows pain because a lot of people will only ever run to Him when there is pain. God knows that it is only through His son that we’ll ever get to heaven, so yes He allows pain so that we finally turn to Him for help. I also learned that God teaches us through pain and hardship. Things like patience, sacrifice, obedience, a listening heart, perseverance in prayer and love. Yes, real love, for God, for people and for people who don’t deserve. My God doesn’t like it, but my God allows pain into our lives to get our attention, because he knows all too well that He needs to get our attention so that we may live.

My life continues in seasons. There is a season of learning, and a season of enjoying what I have learned. And then a season of seeking Him, a season of hardship, a season of not understanding what is happening to me, a season of anger and distrust, and then a season of rescue, and a season of humility and rest and peace. Oh I’ve been through them, and quite a lot. As you have as well, I’m sure. And I am glad that all throughout, God was there. He was the father, the friend, the lover, the one who saw me for who I was, and understood me when no one else could or didn’t want to.

He has said that He is my strength when I am weak.

And now as I go through another season, I must learn to thrust Him with what is precious. My future, my heart, my desire for love and peace, and my pride.

-diana


"Is this the finger or just another fist
Is this the kingdom or just a hit and miss
I miss direction most in all this desperation

Is this what they call freedom
Is this what you call pain
Is this what they call discontented fame
It'll be a day like this one when the world caves in
When the world caves in
When the world caves in"
- Switchfoot